Opposites
by Superwholockian-andPROUD
Summary: What if all the characters of spn had opposite personalities? Religious hippy Dean Winchester is pulled from hell by a strange biker angel who swears a lot. He wonders how this sinner of a man can be a so called angel of the lord. Starts 4x01 Lazarus Rising. Please read and review!
1. Raised from perdition

**Chapter 1: Raised from Perdition.**

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"Did you do the ritual right," Dean said in his girly high voice.

Bobby smiled lovingly. "Yes Deany Weany"

Dean smiled back at Bobby. "This reminds me of that episode of Dr Sexy MD. Ah, I love that beautiful show."

Suddenly the roof began to bang.

"Maybe it's the wind. Ah, mother nature," Dean said, fixing his floral shirt.

"I don't think so, Deany," Bobby said.

Suddenly the doors burst open and a cool looking dude with a leather jacket and sunglasses.

"Who are you?" Dean asked, smoothing his shorts down.

"I'm da one who gripped you tight and raised you from fucking perdition, man. I'm your homie," the Cool guy said hotly.

"Thank you for that. God forgive me for this sin," Dean said, plunging the knife into the cool dude.

The cool guy smirked cockily and pulled the knife out his expensive looking leather jacket. He touched two fingers to Bobby's head and he crumpled to the ground. Dean noticed that he had 'love' and 'hate' tattooed on his fingers. He was a cool rebel, Dean thought.

"Dude, we, like, need to talk. Y'know alone," Cool dude said.

Dean checked Bobby's pulse.

"That old dude's alive," the guy said.

"Who _are_ you?" Dean asked.

"Castiel. But that name is fucking crap. Call me Cazza." He pulled his sunglasses off.

"I figured that out earlier. I mean, what are you?"

"I'm a fucking angel of the lord."

"No... angels of the lord have halos and harps. They don't look like bikers."

"That's your problem, Dean. You are a hippy."

Lightning flashes and great feathery black shadow wings appeared. They had rings on them.

"But Angels are supposed to be nice. You burned Pam's eyes out." Dean began to cry.

"Tough luck, dude. I'm a cool angel. But anyway. I told her not to take a sneak peek at my true hotness. And my true voice. But you know that cuz I spoke to you, man."

Dean looked shocked. "You... you mean at the shop and the hotel, that was you speaking? Oh lord, save me..." Deans hands went together in prayer.

"No need to fucking pray, man. I'm right here, y'know, dude. It was a fucking mistake, dude. Lighten up. Some guys and gals can see my true hotness and hear my voice. Your missing something, hippy.

"What visage are you in now, oh holy angel?" Dean said, his voice even more sing-song than usual.

"This is my hot vessel, man."

"You're possessing one of gods perfect creations. You sinner," Dean sighed.

"C'mon man. The hot bastard prayed for it," Castiel said, smirking.

"How can such a foul mouthed sinner be a holy angel of the lord. What are you really?" Dean said sadly.

"Dude, I fucking told you. Get the hell over it. I'm a fucking angel and I'm here to stay."

"But why would a holy graceful angel save me from eternal Damnation? I am a sinner." Dean sniffed, on the verge of tears.

"Cool things, sometimes happen, dude." The hot rebel angel sighed.

"Not in my painful experience," Dean began to cry. Again.

"C'mon dude. I know that you don't think you should be saved. Lighten up Deano."

"Why did you do it, oh holy angel?" Dean said.

"Because my Asshat of a father 'commanded' it," Castiel said.

"Who, Castiel?"

"I told you it's Cazza. 'God' commanded it. He is a dumbass. Because we have work for you, dude. Peace out, bro!" and with that, Castiel strutted off, putting his sunglasses on, making the doors open for himself, he hopped onto a very expensive motorbike and began to play the song 'I'm too sexy'.

"What on god's holy earth?" Dean cursed.


	2. I can throw you back in

**Chapter 2: I can throw you back in**

Sam was snoring softly on the sofa, under his stupid furry blanket. Dean lay on his pretty floral futon mattress that he carried around in his pink and purple monster truck 1967 Chevrolet Impala, covered in his princess sleeping bag that he had got cheap in a charity shop. He didn't really mind. There was a flutter of feathers and Dean awoke, checking his stupid little brother who snored louder than ever.

Castiel aka 'Cazza' was standing in the kitchen, his expensive sunglasses covering his beautiful blue eyes. His leather jacket and black ripped jeans just made him look hotter to Dean. He had that smirk on his face that Dean loved...

Wait, why was Dean thinking all this crap? He sighed. He would never have Cas. Dean liked Gardening, Praying, eating salads, playing the flute, sewing and knitting. He could never have a hot rebel like Castiel as a boyfriend... friend.

"Great fucking job with the witnesses, man," Cazza said, smiling cockily. He was so hot, Dean thought to himself dreamily.

"Holy hot- I mean coolness, you knew about this hardship?" Dean sighed. He'd nearly admitted his crush.

"Uh, like, yeah dude," Castiel paused. A hot pause at that, Dean thought. "I was made 'aware' by the asshatts incharge of me."

"No thanks for the assistance," Dean sighed again. I LOVE YOU CASTIEL he nearly said. "I nearly got gravely wounded. Please apologize." and say you love me.

"You didn't, dude. Lighten up."

"I thought angels were supposed to be righteous and holy, not blasphemous, sinful and _rude._ "

"Read the FUCKING bible! WE'RE WARRIORS, MAN! Not crazy holy headed fuckers who sit and sing and strum their harps."

"Why didn't you fight, then?" Dean asked, starting to weep uncontrollably.

"Stop fucking crying you woose. I'm not here to perch on your damn shoulder. We have bigger FUCKING problems."

"I'm beginning to lose faith, Castiel. I am so very sorry."

"First, it's Cazza, not Castiel. God is sadly..." Castiel looked up. "SADLY! Real. I fucking wish he wasn't but, that's what we're stuck with."

"But if God exists, then none of this awful, tragic stuff would be happening to this wonderful planet."

"Er, yeah. 'God' supposedly works in..."

"Mysterious ways." Dean finished. "I know, and I have read the bible, exactly 1934 times. Every day I read it and I pray."

"Wow, you really are a Jesus freak..." Castiel sighed.

"Bobby, he scared me earlier. He told me of something very frightening indeed... the apocalypse." Dean shuddered.

"That's why we're fucking here, man. Don't you pay attention?"

"Do I want know what it is?" Dean asked, scared.

"Hell, no. You defiantly won't want to know. But, I have to tell you. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals, and no that's not a show at sea world. It's for real, Dean. It's fucking real."

Dean furrowed his brow.

"These seals are being broken by the super asshat that is Lilith," Castiel (Cazza) continued. He pulled his sunglasses down his nose and Dean thought that made him look even hotter.

"She did the spells and rose those ghosts?" Dean inquired.

"Yeah. Finally, man you're catching on. But, dude not just here. 20 other hunters have snuffed it."

"So she picked the poor unfortunate souls that we hunters couldn't save? So they could come after us and blame us for our sins?"

"Lilith has an... er...interesting sense of humour."

"Sounds like a horrible sense of humour. Anyway, we laid those poor souls back to rest."

"It ain't like that dude. The seal was broken."

"Why did she break the seal in the first place?"

"The seals are like locks on a door."

"You mean... one breaks the last one and..."

"Lucifer is free."

"Lucifer? The Devil? Satan? Oh my gosh. I did not imagine that he was real. I only thought that he was told to scare children."

"Lucifer's real man. He's my bro. Well, was. Anyways, three days ago you didn't think I was an angel. Here I am. Man, what escapes your understanding? Why the hell do you think we've been here for the first time in 2,000 years?!"

"To stop Satan."

"Exactly. That's why me and my bros are here. To stop the apocalypse."

"You haven't exactly done well. You really failed with the witnesses."

"Deano, listen. WE FUCKING TRIED OKAY! Some we'll win and some we'll lose. WE'RE NOT ALL AS POWERFULL AS YOU MIGHT THINK. Six dudes died this week. They were my brothers. YOU FUCKING THINK THE ARMIES OF ANGELS SHOULD JUST FOLLOW ALL YOUR FREAKING COMMANDS? That is a load of shit, and you know it. As much as I hate to admit it, there is a bigger picture. You should fucking show me some respect. I pulled your ass out of hell. I CAN throw you back in."

And with that, Castiel (Cazza) adjusted his sunglasses and flapped away. Dean sighed and went to make himself a cup of camomile tea. Dean began to cry silently.

"Dean... man you alright?" Sam said sleepily, rubbing a hand though his short hair. "Not with the damned crying again! I'm like trying to sleep."

"Sam do you believe in god and angels?"

"Three days ago I would have said hell no, but I'm sadly starting to wonder after your 'holy' encounter with Castiel."

"How about the Devil?"

Sam's eyes lit up. "Like, oh my god. You think he's real. Loser."


End file.
